Matters of heart

Too poor for kids?

Dear Aunty Lisa

I am a recently married 27-year-old man. My wife is 23 and she insists on us not having any children. I used to think that she was joking about it, and if she wasn’t – that she would change her mind, but I was wrong. She says she grew up in a very poor family where they struggled to have the basics. Now she says she cannot stand to watch our children grow up in the same way because I don’t have a stable job. I believe God will provide. Is it really fair and logical for her to deny us children because of her past. How do I change her mind please? – Tom

Dear Tom

It is not fair for you, I do understand. But I don’t really think fairness has got anything to do with it. You need to understand that her upbringing really influenced her and she has some emotional attachment in all this. Growing up as a poor child yearning to have what other kids had and never having it was torture for her. She is the kind of person who would want to give her kids everything in life – even to the extent of spoiling them because of her own memories.

It would be irresponsible to bring a child into this world without the means to care for it properly. You are both still very young and there is plenty of time – why not wait until you have found a stable job and have saved some money. Yes God will provide, but you have to do your part too. Why not ask him to provide a job for you?

But babies can be expensive but you will have to work hard, be the man and see that your children get what they deserve to grow up normally. You need to sit down with your wife and convince her that you will do everything in your power to prevent your children to experiencing a tough childhood. Do not promise her heaven on earth but let her know that you can both work hard to make a difference in the lives of your children and live happily. – Aunty Lisa

Is she cheating?

Dear Aunty Lisa

I am a boy aged 22 and my girl is 23. I saw her email from a boy who asked whether she had kept his photos and I replied as if I was her, the next thing he started talking about their stories of sleeping together. I got angry and confronted my girlfriend who is denying it. What do I do? I am confused whether she is cheating on me. – Worried

Dear Worried

You have let your curiosity dig out something you did not want to find out, something that does not prove to you whether it was true or not. Now you are confused and lacking trust.

When you are in a relationship there are things you need to try and avoid. Going through your lover’s personal staff, browsing her text messages and going through her emails without her knowledge. Of course there should be a great degree of openness and honesty in a relationship, but such investigations will dig out some issues that will leave you with more questions than answers.

If there is anything that happened in her past that you should know, give it time, there is always the right time to tell each other everything. We all have something embarrassing, disgraceful, bad or shameful things that happened in our past that we will obviously not tell people we love the very moment we meet them. Why piss them off when we want to try and get them interested?

You didn’t have to investigate your girlfriend like that. After all you don’t really know who is on the other end and what his motives in replying you are. Stop worrying about it and give your girlfriend some time to learn to open up to you, she will obviously tell you all about it if it is true.

Otherwise stay cool and stop unwrapping presents that are not yours, one day it will be a parcel bomb you will regret opening. – Aunty Lisa

Exercise & pregnancy

Dear Aunty Lisa

I am pregnant with my first child. I would like to know whether it is advisable for me to exercise or not. I have heard people say I don’t have to relax or sleep a lot but make sure I am active all the time. Will it not strain the baby if I exercise? – Mai Two

Dear Mai Two

Exercising is always healthy to the human body. Doctors advise that pregnant women should keep exercising gently throughout the pregnancy. What you just need to avoid are exercises that may end up giving you difficulty in breathing or disturb the flow of blood to the uterus.

According to experts, you should avoid exercises that demand you lying on your back, or tummy, jumping up and down or bending your stomach. Walking fast and stretching is good, but you need to make sure that you keep yourself hydrated by drinking lots of water. You also need to make sure that you are in control of your breathing, do not overdo it. A good night’s sleep of at least eight hours is also highly recommended.

They say labour is a marathon; you have to train for it. When the day comes for you to give birth, your body will need to be flexible and prepared to endure some pain. The pain a healthy and fit body will endure will be less than that of a woman who knew nothing but sleep. Go ahead and feel free to exercise, just remember you are doing it to keep fit and not to lose weight. – Aunty Lisa

Post published in: Lifestyle

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