Matters of the heart

I’m too dark

Dear Aunty Lisa

I am a young lady aged 21 and I am very dark in complexion. My friends make me feel so bad when we go out, teasing me that I will be the last one to be noticed by guys because I am too dark. It gets to me and I always feel so low about it. Please help me, sometimes I think of using skin lightening creams. – Alice

Dear Alice

Beauty comes from within my dear. Being light or dark in complexion does not define how beautiful one is. You can still be beautiful yet dark-skinned and I feel sorry for anyone who does not believe that. I do not advise you to use skin-lightening creams at all. They come with very harmful side effects and you will only realise that you were naturally beautiful when it is too late.

Your friends are wrong, you are not born to be noticed by boys. You are born to live your life the way you want to live it – to become that best that you can be. Women should not go out of their way to do things to capture the attention of boys or men. If anyone should notice you, they need to appreciate who you are and not the person you are trying to be. You are Alice, the beautiful dark-skinned young lady and you will have people admiring you for embracing that person you are. – Aunty Lisa

Is he jealous?

Dear Aunty Lisa

My husband complains that I always ask the maid or my little sister to do things for him. He fails to understand that I am a busy person and when I come home from work I am so tired. I am happy to be home and my home is a symbol of peace and relaxation for me. What then do I do when someone expects me to be running around doing such donkey-work like serving him dinner when my young sister is happy to do so? We both work and I earn more than he does – ot because I have a good job but because I work harder than him. But he just cannot consider that I will be tired. Is he jealous? – Mrs D.

Dear Mrs D.

I understand your frustrations dear. But you both need to understand each other in this marriage. Your husband surely needs to see things your way and understand you, but you need to make a compromise to achieve what you want here. Try to see things his way, understand why he is acting ‘unreasonably’ and you will know what exactly needs to be corrected. I am not suggesting there are problems in your marriage but I am saying that his issues may be beyond the fact that you don’t serve him food when you are back home. You both need to keep respecting each other despite the difference in your salaries. Your man, like every man, feels that he should be taking the role of the provider. That is what makes him a man – when he provides for his family. When that role is turned, he feels robbed of his manhood. That may be the reason why he feels disrespected with everything you do.

You need to help him understand that you still respect him. He needs to feel that he is still appreciated. Once he knows that, he will not see you serving him food as the only sign of your love and respect. Also you could try doing some small things to show that you love him and honour him as your husband –that do not need to take too much time and effort. Yes it needs to be acknowledged that you are working very hard, but make sure that you are not belittling him for not being able to produce more than you are. – Aunty Lisa

Soccer-loving maid

Dear Aunty Lisa

I do not get why my wife is acting all jealous. She does not like watching football and I love the game. Coincidentally the new maid she hired loves football and she chooses to stay up late watching it on television. So, it happens that my wife leaves the two of us watching football together and at times hears us discussing the match. I am someone who is very open, I cannot sit in a room with someone and not say anything. She also happens to be a chatterbox. My wife accuses me of spending “quality time” with the maid and not with her. What can I do really? – Mhofu

Dear Mhofu

You need to know that this jealousy is coming out because of your wife’s love for you. You need to spend more time with her, more quality time – that is. I am sure her issue is not really that you are acting all happy with the maid, she is jealous probably because she feels she is not getting enough of that as your wife. You need to engage more in activities that you both enjoy so that you spend such a good time with her as well.

If you do that more with her I am sure she will not complain about what she claims to be “quality” time with the maid. However, if at all possible you should provide a spare television for the maid to watch soccer in her own room. This is the reason why we see some families choosing to offer the maid accommodation in a separate cottage altogether. If her business is done in the main house she is better off in her room to leave you some space. This will be the best set-up to avoid such strange incidents that cause unnecessary friction in your marriage. – Aunty Lisa

Post published in: Lifestyle

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