I am a young adult who was raised by my mother after my father refused to have anything to do with her and myself after claims that she was cheating. My mother told me the whole story when I turned 19. I always thought my father was late.
He now wants to get in touch with me because I am becoming successful. He is going around cursing me saying I will not do well in life if I don’t accept him as a father in my life. He dumped my mother for something she never did and he expects me to smile and just welcome him in my life when they are both not talking.
I have friends who are telling me that his complaints will curse my life and that I should make peace with him. But I just don’t need him; it is my father who needs money from me that is why he is coming. Am I wrong in not wanting anything to do with him? – Pamela
Dear Pamela
Your father will always be your biological father no matter how much he has wronged you. It seems it is easy for some men to turn their backs on their children especially when they are young and dependent. It is a big mistake people make and later on they learn from life that they want to be associated with the success of their grown-up kids.
Culturally your friends are correct – it’s a sad reality that there is need for a man or woman to make peace with his or her parents for a peaceful and successful life. But this has nothing to do with cursing – so don’t be afraid of that.
It is for your own sake that you need to forgive your father for not being there for you in the past and stop being angry with him on your mother’s behalf. You need to set yourself free of this.
Do not be caught up in their fights and what made them separate. No matter how bad a man is, we all need someone to call father. Let go of your anger and give him a chance. Let him know of your great disappointment and give him a chance to speak to you about why he left you and why he wants to come back now. There may even be reasons that your mother may not even aware of that would be important in bringing reconciliation between them.
By forgiving him you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. If indeed he is only after your money that will become clear and then you can just refuse. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle
Pamela, he disowned you at birth. He never gave you a life. Your mother did. What does she feel about this whole sordid affair? I think he should pay for DNA and once you know he is or, maybe he really is not your father, you can make a decision then. But he must pay for all of that expense. He sounds like a cad, and not the kind of man you want as a grandfather to your children. I dont agree with your friends and as for curses, that will never work on someone as honest and pure as you are. Focus on doing well and then getting as far away as possible from him. I went through the same dramas when my daughter’s father refused to accept her as his child. But through all her life he never bothered once to try and see her or find her but I soon realised why. He owed me a fortune in Maintenance and I could have hit him hard and square for 18 years money so, now is the hour for you to get a good lawyer and then pay for your mum to go to the courts and demand that he pays up what he owes her but because she also believed he was dead and could never find him and pin him down, she never got one red cent for the 18 years that he owes her Maintenance. He will soon disappear into the underground from whence he has emerged. What a horrible man he has turned out to be. I am so sorry for you and your mother. No one understands how difficult it is to raise a child without its father to finance school fees, uniforms, shoes, the food on the table and your sanitary towels. How sad, but by the sounds of it your mum has worked a miracle in you and you must be proud of her. Get to a good lawyer first thing on Monday. He probably has half a dozen kids and wives in the bushes.
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