I am a 30-year-old woman and my husband and I sort of agreed to have only one kid. Our son is now five years. The truth is I never really wanted only one child and he knows that. But whenever I talked of having three children he always got so emotional and angry about it so I ended up agreeing with him.
Now I desperately want another child and I can’t start it with him. He is a year younger than me and his problem is that he always thinks I don’t respect him each time I disagree with him. I am thinking of just stopping taking the family planning tablets. If I fall pregnant I will tell him it was a mistake. Do you think it may cause problems in my marriage? – Mai Junior
Dear Mai Junior
Tricking your husband like that is very wrong. He is the man with whom you will raise your children and he deserves to be in the know of any plans to have another child. You need to ask him to explain why he emphasised on having only one child. His reasons may be something you never thought about and you may agree with him once he explains his thinking.
Sit him down and explain lovingly and calmly that by asking or questioning you are not being stubborn or disrespectful of him. Let it be clear that you personally wish to have three kids and explain why you have a problem with having only one.
You don’t want to have a marriage where you both do not know what your thoughts are and you keep guessing what your partner wants or how they would react. In future never pretend you agree with anything you don’t. You must always be honest and make it clear what you want – even if you later have to compromise.
Also don’t forget that most women’s hormones are programmed to want several children – in order to keep the human race going. You are probably experiencing that natural instinctive urge. Remember that it is possible to overcome that, even though it seems very powerful, if your husband is absolutely adamant that he does not want more children. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle