Lack of privacy

Dear Aunty Lisa

I just got married. My wife is 25 years old and I am 37. I am finding her difficult to understand sometimes. It is only five months into our marriage but already she has started complaining about a number of things. I am the only son in my family, all my sisters are married and we are staying with my parents at our family home.

We have our private room but my wife is still not satisfied and hates the fact that she lives with my mother under the same roof. My parents have absolutely nothing wrong with it and they have been giving us guidance and love since she came. They love her so much but she continuously bemoans lack of privacy.

It is not like we share the same bedroom with my parents – but she always complains. She is becoming moody most of the time and avoiding sitting with the family and going to sleep early. I don’t know how to deal with it. It is affecting our young marriage that we should be enjoying. Please help me. – Jerry M

Dear Jerry M

I am afraid this would harm your marriage for sure if you don’t do anything about it. You need to take note of your age difference and always try and bridge that gap by reaching out for her needs. Every woman wants to be loved, especially such a young woman who just got married.

The set-up here tells me you guys only show each other affection when you are in your bedroom, at bedtime because obviously you can’t do anything special in the presence of your parents. I am not suggesting there is anything wrong with your parents or your mother to be specific, but a woman needs her own space, she needs her own kitchen and home, that she can control and set up as she desires.

You are just married and your wife wishes to do things with you and it would be uncomfortable doing it in front of your parents. Watching television while cuddling up with you on your lap, kissing in the kitchen are a few examples of the silly but crucial things women want to do with their partners. They feel loved and wanted that way. Your wife may be feeling miles away from the man that she married because of the space your parents are occupying in your lives.

You say they have always been giving you guidance since she came. I am concerned what kind of guidance you need regularly. You are 37 and she is 25, you are both mature enough to be staying alone and facing life’s challenges with success.

Of course you will always need their advice, but you do not want to behave like kids who need constant checking from elders. You are best living away from your family home. Your wife needs to be cooking special meals for you and being intimate with you and this is the time for it, when your love is young and there are no kids to disturb you. – Aunty Lisa

Post published in: Lifestyle

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