I am very furious about what my husband did to me recently. We have been married for three months now and he has brought in his son from his ex-girlfriend to live with us – without even planning that with me. I knew he had a son.
He told me before we got married, but he has never indicated that he had plans to take him.
Apparently he says the mother is alcoholic and he often physically abused him and cared less about his education. I will soon have kids of my own and have them to worry about, why should this boy be my problem if the biological mother cannot even care for her own child?
I have tried to express my anger to him and he has been mad at me – accusing me of not understanding. But what is there to understand when he won’t understand me either? – Mrs M
Dear Mrs M
Marriage cannot work like this my dear. You are both furious, mad and probably shouting at each other without anyone taking time to listen to the other. It is obvious you won’t understand each other. At least one of you needs to contain his/her emotions and allow space for a civilized conversation.
You need to take time to understand your husband in order for you to be understood yourself. The same applies to him. You need to be in a position to want to understand before you can be understood. Since your husband had told you all about this boy before you got married, what has happened was a possibility you needed to brace for. But I must say I agree that it is a bit unfair when you are ambushed like this.
Now that it has happened you need to ask yourself why your husband has made this move all of a sudden without discussing with you? Did you avoid giving him any chance of talking about the issue? Or perhaps the reason is that this abuse by the boy’s biological mother has suddenly got out of control and pushed your husband to act immediately?
You need to understand that your husband loves this boy and if you resist his son you may end up losing his love or being with a depressed husband. Give yourself time to calm down and politely ask for him to discuss this issue calmly, without raising your voices to each other. Above all you need to remember that this child did not ask to be born – he is the innocent party here and his life is the one that will be most affected by any decision that are made about him and by your attitude towards him.
Try to find some love in your heart for this innocent child. I wish you all the best. – Aunty LisaPost published in: Lifestyle