Torn between mother and wife

Dear Aunty Lisa

My mother is not feeling well and she is living with us. My wife stays at home with her but I am very disappointed that she is not taking good care of her. She complains that she is exhausted every time I get home. But when I ask my mother how my wife has been treating her she tells me all the terrible things that she does.

When I ask my wife she tells me that my mother is trying to separate us and that she has been nice to her and running around for her. I don’t know who to believe. I cannot ignore my mother and yet the woman I married also has a place in my heart. They are making it difficult for me – whose side do I take? What do you think? – Tinashe

Dear Tinashe

It is most unfortunate that you are being caught in a battle between your mother and her daughter-in-law. Sad to say, this is a common problem in every culture. You are what they have in common and they should use what they have in common to get closer and to build their relationship – but instead they use as a battle ground.

The only way for you to deal with this difficult situation is to make sure that you do not allow yourself to be manipulated by your mother or your wife into hating either of them. You need to sit down with your mother and explain to her that your wife is the woman you chose to marry and with whom you intend to spend the rest of your life with. You have to set some boundaries here. Politely ask your mother to accept your wife as her daughter-in-law because she is the one you love. It is important for your mother to also know that having your wife as part of your life does not mean that you will cease to love your mother. She will always remain a special woman in your heart – but she must not destroy your marriage.

You also need to sit down with your wife and highlight to her that your mother is the woman who raised you and help you become the man she fell in love with. Because of this, she needs to respect her as much as your mother will respect her. You need to show them both that you will not entertain any silly complaints from either of them.

Make it clear that they should not try to force you to make a decision to choose between them. It is only fair that you have them both as the women in your life. Take charge of your life and never let yourself be open to manipulation. It may also be helpful, once you have spoken to them separately to sit down with both of them together and discuss the whole issue and really get to the truth of the matter. Wishing you all the best. – Aunty Lisa

Post published in: Lifestyle

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